Bed
by jadey36
Summary: Bedtime in Locksley Manor is not without its problems. Part 3 of the "Housework Series".


**Disclaimer: **original characters belong to BBC/Tiger Aspect. No copyright infringement intended. No monies are being made.

**A/N: **Part 3 of the "Housework Series".

* * *

**Bed**

"Ouch," Guy exclaims.

"What's the matter?" Robin asks, resting his bow just inside the open doorway and shrugging his quiver off his back.

"Caught my damn finger," Guy replies, rapidly shaking his right hand and then sucking on his index finger.

"Doing what?" Robin asks.

"Tucking corners," Guy says, waving his injured hand at the huge bed that dominates the middle of Robin's – correction – Robin and Guy's bedroom.

"Why the hell are you bothering with them?" Robin asks, grinning in amusement. "We only end up trashing the bed every night."

"That," Guy says, somewhat testily, "is no reason to let standards slide." Gingerly, Guy tucks in the final corner, smoothing the silky black sheet with his hands, a satisfied smile on his face.

"And black," Robin says, gesticulating at the perfectly spread and tucked bed sheet. "Rather a stupid colour, considering what we do on it."

"I like black," Guy retorts. "And stains will always wash out."

Robin clamps his mouth, holding in a snort of laughter. "Anyone would think you like doing housework the way you talk."

"I do not like doing housework," Guy retorts, scowling. "I just like things being clean and tidy. Talking of which," he says, nodding at Robin, "your clothes could do with a wash. You haven't changed them in days. I'm surprised they don't walk off you."

Robin glances down at his muddied shirt and equally muddied breeches. "Point taken," he says, starting to undress.

"I didn't mean now," Guy says in alarm.

"Now is as good a time as any, surely," Robin says, smiling when he notices Guy eyeing the newly made bed and the spotless bed sheet.

Without giving Guy time to make further protest, Robin yanks off his boots and slides his breeches down his legs, quickly followed by his linen braies. Kicking the two items into the 'dirty washing corner', he lifts his shirt over his head, adding both that and his neck scarf to the pile. Finally, he loops his outlaw tag over his head and tosses it across the room, where it expertly lands on the bedside table.

"Now, I'll bath," he says, heading for the door.

"Wait!" Guy says, rather more forcefully than he intends.

Robin hesitates, half in, half out the open door. He turns around.

Guy is frantically unbuckling his trouser belt.

"What about the bed?" Robin asks, the corner of his mouth turning up in amusement at Guy's desperate belt fumbling.

"Who gives a fuck about the bed," Guy growls, jerking his leathers down his muscular thighs. "Come here."

Robin does not need asking twice, and, with a happy grunt, he lets Guy manhandle him onto the carefully made bed.

* * *

"You're not angry with me, are you?" Robin asks, snuggling into a near-naked Guy, one hand trailing up and down Guy's hairless chest, while the other plays with Guy's long, dark hair.

"Why would you say that?" Guy asks, turning lazily towards the naked outlaw.

Robin pushes up onto one elbow and inclines his head at the now less than pristine bed sheet.

"It's fine," Guy says. "Besides, I have a batch of coloureds to do in any case. Another sheet won't make much difference. Just be sure to pilfer me some more soap when you're out robbing later because we're nearly out."

"Anything else while I'm at it?" Robin asks, sliding his arm from Guy's warm flesh and rolling towards the edge of the bed.

"Yes," Guy says, turning to the bedside table and recovering a piece of parchment. "I made you a list."

Robin takes the parchment and reads.

"What the fuck do you want more eyeliner for?" Robin asks, scooping up his muddied clothes from the dirty washing corner. "You hardly need to make yourself look pretty for me, and you know how jealous it makes some of the less wealthy girls in the village."

"Just do it, all right," Guy snaps. "And don't be late home," he calls, as Robin, dressed once more, picks up his bow and quiver and heads out the door.

"Yes, Mother," Robin calls back cheekily.

Guy sticks two fingers up at Robin, but Robin has already disappeared.

Angrily, Guy stomps over to the window, flinging the shutters open. He leans out. "And you could have left me those clothes as well," he shouts down to Robin.

"Later," Robin shouts back, waving without turning around.

* * *

After Guy has done the washing, including the soiled bed sheet, he decides it is time to do some shopping of his own.

Now, open-mouthed, Robin stands in the bedroom doorway, surveying the scene before him.

"What," he asks Guy, "is that?"

"New leather mattress protector, come sheet," Guy says smiling, obviously pleased with himself and his latest purchase.

"Come sheet," Robin echoes. "Very apt choice of words."

"You know what I mean," Guy says.

Robin puts down his stolen goods and his weapons and walks forward to inspect the black bed covering.

"But where are the sheets?" Robin asks. "You can't expect us to sleep on that, surely?"

"It'll save on the washing," Guy explains. He walks to the bed and brushes his hand across the shiny black leather. "Better still," he says, "it's wipe clean."

As if to prove the point, Guy spits on the bed and then swipes the leather with a piece of cloth. "See," he says, waving his hand at the perfectly clean and spotless mattress protector, come sheet.

Robin does not wish to spoil Guy's pleasure, especially since Guy's sword is resting so closely to the bed, but he does have some serious misgivings about the latest addition to Locksley Manor.

"It'll be cold," he says, "especially in winter."

"I'm sure we'll find ways of warming it up," Guy smirks. "Why don't we try it out now?"

"I'm not sure I'm really in the mood for—"

"Come on," Guy says, cutting Robin off. "I'll wear the gold stilettos if you like."

Robin grins. They normally reserve the high-heeled shoes for special occasions, like toasting another successful raid on the castle, or convincing Marian that she has a headache and will therefore not be seeing Robin that evening.

"In that case," Robin says, once more flinging his muddy clothes into the dirty corner, "I'm all yours.

* * *

By the third time Robin has slipped off the bed, Guy is willing to admit that the leather sheet might have been a mistake.

"I expect a few bangs and bruises when I have sex with you," Robin grumbles, picking himself off the floor and rubbing his elbow, "but not like this."

"Sorry," Guy says. "It was worth a try, though, if for nothing else than to save on soap."

Robin heaves himself back onto the bed and plants a kiss on Guy's stubbled cheek. "Never mind. Let's have some wine to cheer ourselves up. And then we can, you know," he says with a wink.

"What?" Guy asks, lovingly caressing the leather beneath his bare butt.

"Wipe clean – remember?" Robin grins. "And waterproof," he adds.

Guy smiles. "Good idea. We might as well get some use out of it. After all, I did have to skewer a pesky peasant to get it made to the right size."

"Tra, la, la, la, la, la, la," Robin singsongs, at the top of his voice. Some of Guy's purchasing methods he really does not want to know about.

A short while later, distinctly smelling of spilled wine and sex, Robin heads off for his much-needed bath.

Sighing, Guy strips the soiled leather from the bed. "Oh well," he thinks. "It might not make a great bed sheet but with a bit of trimming it will make a very nice headboard. There might even be enough leather left for a new shoulder bag."

Guy smiles. Sometimes living with Robin Hood was all right.

**~ fin ~**


End file.
